Admitting the Truth

We’ve heard many times people say, “women marry older men for money, and younger men often date and marry older women for sex.” Are older men just clueless, and just seeking a woman who is great in the sack who will take care of their sexual needs? Some men often date women who are such bitches and gold diggers that it’s questionable if it’s just an arranged partnership where she has unlimited shopping and credit card usage, and his reward is getting constant sex whenever he wants! Its crazy how many men and women are just blatantly being used and just don’t care. But then we’ll often see the young men who are just using that older woman for great sex. But because of their age of player mode their in, won’t realize that this older, energetic and hot woman may be perfect for them. The problem is when the men get older and in later years when all they have to look at is there bank accounts with a ton of money, they’ll look back while lonely and single and realize that the one great woman is the one they were too stupid to snag up! And often because of sexual needs they end up settling with that “gold digger!” Why can’t singles see that age isn’t the problem and society now welcomes older women dating younger men? And, that the underlining problem with many singles is really, communicating and committing. For some men and women communication and commitment comes naturally, but for others it is WAY more difficult. Why?

Holding feelings in, rarely expressing oneself, and pulling back instead of just going with the flow, when in relationships most will agree is an unhealthy way to live. Most often the things people didn’t address, or confront in younger years will often end up surfacing and coming out in one way or another in later years. When looking back one may have been scared of the hearing the truth or being disappointed, so for whatever reasons they held back. We all know that if you don’t ask, you may always wonder. Is wondering such a good thing? Most of us know that the majority of the time the truth has a weird way of coming out. But, for many it’s just all a game…for others, it’s being scared…and for some, it’s the adrenaline rush of the unknown. What most people don’t want to see and realize is that the unknown is really the truth. However, for whatever reasons many men and women are too afraid to admit or say what that truth really is. It’s so frustrating that so many men and women don’t speak the truth. Men seem to have no issues in directing and telling a woman how they like their pecker caressed and sucked, so why are so many women fearful of telling, (or showing), a guy how to be better? Too often many women and men aren’t honest with how they feel and will hold back from saying what’s really on their mind. Why is this? Why do so many men and women drag out relationships when they deep down know the inevitable? The Maven’s suggestion is to speak the truth no matter how bad it is. Lies always come out! It’s always better to hear the truth directly from the guilty person no matter how bad it is.

Being Out of Touch.....Or, In?

Sometimes men and women need to get their mouths, tongues, and touch in sync before judging and ending something that hasn’t really yet begun. Whether at first base or home plate, not everyone is on the same level in the beginning. Sometimes men and women are nervous and clam up because they think they’re being judged. They may truly like and be attracted to the person, but for undisclosed reasons, aren’t putting forth their best moves or just need to be helped along. If a guy or girl hasn’t experienced being with a great kisser, and I’ve kissed certain guys who were hot but kissing wasn’t their strong suit, often they can be taught. Bad kissing is like saying a guy can’t make you cum…it’s easy to make a man cum…but many women either fake their organisms, or if taught well, will have them every time they have sex.
Men, know this FACT: There is nothing worse than going down on a woman and being ROUGH…it’s a complete turn off! It’s like a woman who uses her teeth when giving head--nothing hurts you more!

Being that I did fully understand what Brea meant, and having a few first kisses weaker than a bad cup of coffee, we shouldn’t go judging from just one kiss. After all, you’ve probably experienced a great kiss and never heard from this person again. Just because it was a great kiss doesn’t mean you’re going to walk down the aisle with him or her or let alone get that call the next day. Why though, if a first kiss is bad, or first time sex sucks, often we’ll think it can’t get better? Sometimes the good kisser and great sex doesn’t turn out to be a well-suited partner. Just maybe that bad kisser or guy that came too quick and couldn’t get you “off,” if coached, could turn out to be better than you could have ever imagined!

For some, judging on first impressions and giving someone a fair chance isn’t easy. Many men and women are too quick to judge. This really isn’t fair. Shouldn’t we try giving people the benefit of the doubt, and if liked, get to know them before making our analysis? Just like people change, looks change, professions and finances change, many times that bad kisser, if given a chance an opportunity, could turn out better than ever. I hate to break it to everyone, but good sex can often wear off, and a shitty kisser CAN get better….trust me on this…I’ve been there on every level!

First Base....Strike, or Run?

Since society has put such an emphasis on being healthy, working out, and looking good, that if you are an attractive man or woman, oftentimes you’ll seek out the same in a mate. While talking with Brea about men, we both agreed we can look past guys carrying a few extra pounds in the gut! What many singles have a hard time understanding is that at first when you meet someone, they may look great. But when comfortable in a relationship, and especially after pregnancy, those good looks often fade. Many need to grasp that looks, bodies, and physical features (for the most part) WILL change, and sadly some don’t have the pleasure of aging gracefully. Couples tend to agree that in the beginning of relationships, physical attraction is deeper and unfortunately sometimes fades over time. When speaking with Brea, she was telling me about Adam who was a few years younger, a little chubby but cute, and had a great personality.

“So, what’s the problem with him? Chubby? Get him on the stair-master and take the bread n’ butter away when you dine with him! We all know weight on many can fluctuate. Not everyone can be as anorexic as you, you know!”
“Ha, ha, yes, I know! His chubbiness doesn’t bother me, and physically I’m attracted to him. The problem was, after the date when he went to kiss me.”
“Huh? What went wrong? You didn’t get a kiss?
“No. I did land a kiss, and it was awful--WORSE than in the sixth grade!”
“I laughed. Oy, are you serious? There’s nothing more disconcerting than a guy who can’t kiss.”
“I was so disappointed, and as wet and turned on as I was, I quickly became like a dried-up well!”
“Do you think he was nervous and didn’t put forth his best kissing effort?”
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME, NO...……a kiss means chemistry, and it’s a make or break!”
“I agree Brea, a kiss does mean chemistry. However, trust me that it’s also like having sex with a new guy for the first time; it may suck. So, because it sucked, that’s it? You’re not going to try it again; he’s over and done?

Just because a first kiss isn’t what you had expected, or the sex wasn’t good, does this mean we shouldn’t give someone another chance and try again? After all, it’s similar to saying that a man or woman who wasn’t planning on hooking up and therefore didn’t shave down below can’t be a hottie with a little Nair! Does this mean just because they were a monkey down under you won’t hook up with them again? Why not try and groom them?

Too Old......Or Not Old Enough?

Having had the “AGE” conversation with so many single men and women, along with hearing Enrique’s story, it’s questionable whether or not age is the real issue here. In Enrique’s case, its only 2 years later, and he’s regretting being so brain dead and letting Ms. Wonderful slip away. Should 2 years, someone’s age, or timing make the difference in forming a relationship? Are we all just being stupid and missing our perfect opportunities?
Many say age matters; however, I truly think of age as just a number or another lame excuse. Age, to me, isn’t a factor if younger, BUT if older, tends to be an issue. The worst is when you meet a guy who’s in his 30s and from his picture looks like it but when you meet, he looks like he’s old enough to be your grandpa! Just like many men like an attractive, healthy, spirited, hot woman, many women feel the same. While many women go to extreme lengths to maintain their youthful look even after kids, they may expect (or at least hope) for men to do the same.

My friend, Natalie, was telling me how she went on a blind date with a guy who was 32 but looked and acted old enough to be her father! She sat on the phone with me saying, “I just don’t understand how a man at 32 can look and act as if he’s 60 and has never opened up a GQ!” I laughed and completely understood. It’s like, we all know sun causes wrinkles, so why so many women continue to slather themselves with baby oil under the hot sun is crazy to me. And then if they have the nerve to say that they say this miss their reflectors, I feel like saying, HONEY reflector? Are you kidding? You should take a trip to a plastic surgeon and zap away all those ugly, aging brown spots you got from the damaging reflector!

But, so often you’ll hear many singles justifying why they are still single by saying it was timing, age, or location, that them from forming a relationship. Was it really all these issues? Or, is always thinking the grass is greener on the other side standing in our way from trying? The hard thing, though, is when the man or woman makes it clear he or she likes you, and you, (for undisclosed reasons), keep playing them like a yo-yo……..Why? Why, when it’s made clear someone likes you only for the sex (and your amazing bod) is the “friend with benefits” thing never addressed or discussed? Are we hiding from having the conversation because we’re scared to be let down, or do we think that by not bringing up one’s want for more and instead just going with the “flow” that maybe on its own time the relationship will blossom? BUT whatever the reason, let the Maven explain to you men that if you snooze, you will lose. If you wait too long and keep playing head games thinking you’ve got her whipped, many girls can quickly turn the whip into a broom and sweep you away. Better YOU should sweep THEM off their feet and whip them away WITH you. Are men not making the move for fear of let down or knowing this maybe the last clitt their dicks feel?

Sunrise, Sunset

Many times, for whatever reasons, we don’t or won’t give “relationships” a chance. We’ll often meet a man or woman, have immediate attraction and chemistry, act on it, and then never hear from the person again. This may be fine if you are just looking to get laid or feel a warm body against you. However, I can say from my years of dating, there are VERY few men that have really made that “impact” on me. For many singles it’s easy to move from man to man, or woman to woman, but for others this isn’t the case. To bring a felt connection/chemistry together instead of just living in the moment or for just one random night can (for many) be torturing experience. It’s questionable if men understand or know this about women. While speaking with Enrique the other night, he was complaining that he can’t find a “normal” girl.

“Enrique, NORMAL? There is no true definition of normal; normal is how you perceive it to be.”
“Well, you know, just to find a girl who can be like my friend that is funny, playful, energetic, smart, and doesn’t complain, or ask too many questions and can get down and dirty behind closed doors whether it be a room in a house or the locked doors in the car!”
“Ha….Ha!”
“I could shoot myself for being so retarded and stupid. To think I let her slip away just because I was 24 and she was older. But I just thought, oh, I’m 24, so many pussies out there, why settle….WELL…..Seriously, what was I thinking? Now, at 26, every girl I meet I compare to her. I adored everything about her, and the conversation was always there, and the sex/connection/chemistry was out of control! Looking back I knew she liked me, even pursued me in her own way, and I was a total jerk for playing head games with her and never stepping up to the plate like I should have and trying to make it work. Who knows, I could’ve been off the market now, happy, fulfilled and content. But instead I’m sitting here, at my office on a Sunday night at 8pm, bored, horny and kicking myself for being such a moron.”
“Well, we’ve all been there. But, it’s frustrating and annoying when the guy plays the ‘yo-yo’ a little too much. It’s like, shit or get off the pot already! I know you like me. But, from all we experience and do in life, a lesson is ALWAYS learned. The question still remains, why do men and women keep playing games instead of keeping it real?

Written Off

So Alexia totally forgot about him… “Wrote him off!” Alexia decided she was fed up with him and the “game” he was apparently playing. When liking someone, and being sexual together, there’s a period when most women and some men become tired of playing games, and actually start caring for the person they’ve developed feelings for. However, this is MUCH easier said and thought about than done! A week went by where there was no correspondence, and Alexia seemed happy and content. BUT, when taking a nap, the vibration went off, and all the quickly-trashed feelings were soon recycled back. Just as easy as a woman can try to write off a man, she can also just as quickly be sucked back in. We often ask ourselves, why does this happen? Well, it’s pretty clear that when women pay no attention to men, men come crawling back with their tails between their legs. This pattern makes it quite clear some game is being played. It’s hard enough to find someone special enough to have intense feelings for. So, WHY play games when it’s clear you are into each other?

Click and Pick

While spending the weekend in Boston, I knew hitting Bloomies wasn’t even a question. Even better was sauntering through the racks with Mom, and taking full advantage of their pre-sale. Of course this meant finding and buying some spring duds! (Like there New York doesn’t have enough shops that I need to stalk up when in Boston! But most daughters will agree, shopping with Mom can be quite the bonding trip!) It was time to pay; we had found and met this very nice salesperson, a Jewish girl from Needham, and 4 months pregnant. You know the Maven was quick to befriend her and get the skinny on how she and her hubby met. But, before those details came into play, Rachel quickly divulged all the horrible dates she went on back in her single years, starting with…

Being over a guy’s place, having to pee, and unable to find a scrap of toilet paper in the man’s bathroom--not even a Kleenex! “Drip Dry, EWE!”
Rule #1:
Men, when you know you are having a date, send for the cleaning lady pronto, or clean up yourself, and make sure to REPLACE and have TOILET PAPER!

Then there was a dinner date which involved Mexican food. Come on now men! Mexican on a first date--without knowing how her tummy will hold up, seriously what was he thinking? I mean, there are those rare occasions where the Tequila and a burrito don’t mix very well! MEN, pleeaase, this is a NO, NO! But, if you do happen to do the Mexican thing on a first date and I’d suggest you DON’T, then make certain to have Tums or Pep readily available!
RULE #2:
MEN, make SURE you always ask your date about ethnic foods, and if she LIKES OR NOT, and my Maven advice is NEVER pick Mexican for a first date! And, WOMEN, on first dates, NEVER order the most expensive thing, and if asked to suggest a spot, make it easy on the belly, and on his wallet!

But, the funniest was after they went for Mexican, and it was doing a number on her stomach, when she went back to use the bathroom where now there was toilet paper there was another BIG problem, there was NO spray, or even a match to strike! ARE YOU KIDDING MEN…NO LYSOL OR GLADE FRESH SENT, NOT EVEN A MATCH? Oh dear, if this was me, I seriously think I would’ve died!!!!
RULE #3 BOTH ladies and gents, ALWAYS SNAG MATCHES when leaving a restaurant; you just never know when they may come in handy! In this case it would’ve been a blessing!

My mouth fell; I was cracking up. Luckily, this has never happened to me. I hate Mexican food, and would probably only drink if taken there, and 99% of the time I always pop a Zantac before heading out--I suggest everyone pop one too! However, no toilet paper has happened in a public bathroom, but PRIVATE…COME ON NOW….
RULE #4
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TP!!!!!!!!!! (THIS ALSO GOES FOR MEN AND WOMEN.)

As far as dining and first dates are concerned, it’s probably best not to do dinner on most first dates. Try grabbing drinks in a place where you could also get app’s if hungry or hitting it off. If you’re going to “post, click, and pic,” then make SURE you truthfully list your likes and dislikes…..in a sincere and confident demeanor! And ladies, here’s a tip for you as well. Don’t be a snob and order lobster on a first date, or worse, suck down Johnnie Walker Blue. Also, always be polite and at least offer to pay. (Granted, usually most well-mannered men will never go Dutch!) And MEN, get the toiletries in order and ASK or pick a normal spot to grab a drink! A click and pick does not have to be an interrogation….However are the reasons there aren’t more 2nd and 3rd dates because most singles only know how to “interrogate” instead of being inquisitive through friendly conversation?? Remember: A fist date is NOT a job interview. Sit back, have a drink, and RELAX!

The Shady Look

Oftentimes when out with your friends, you’ll sit there and think to yourself, WHY is my friend socializing with that person; they look like a Heroin addict! Well, when at Rochelle’s 30th birthday party, a cute male friend of hers was associating himself with what looked to be a bimbo you’d see on Hollywood Blvd! We sat there staring and whispering: Is he serious? She’s not pretty…. looks dirtier than a bloated ho with mascara running down her face, who’s still up from the previous night’s festivities and needs to wash her smelly, cigarette-laced locks! Why do some men or women who are groomed, nice, successful, and smart, seem to pick up the trashiest, shadiest looking characters in the place?

What some people don’t seem to “get,” is that other people tend to make assumptions based upon those you’ve been associating with. Seriously, if there’s an attractive man or woman in the room, and all of a sudden they’re seen talking to someone who has more cans of Aqua-Net than he/she does teeth, then most likely Mr. or Miss “hottie” won’t seem like such a hottie after all. While most friends will do their best to get along with their friends’ acquaintances, there are those rare occasions when we ask ourselves, WHY is this person friends with them, or why did my friend approach him or her?

As a Maven, I will say years ago I had a friend whom all my other friends couldn’t stand. Looking back, as we’re no longer friends, I can see exactly why my cronies didn’t like her and thought she was a complete bitch. Men and women, we should all be careful whom we choose to be friends with and whom we pick up. First impressions do matter! Somewhere along the way, someone may have noticed you but failed to approach because of the skanky HO or beer-guzzling lard-ass you were standing and associating with; they were utterly turned off. Next time, be more aware. Have a shot of Cuervo with the cool man or woman checking you out, instead of trying to pick up the dirty hooker who seems as if she’s been snorting lines and shooting needles!

Misrepresentation

From reading thousands of profiles, its frightful how so many sound the same. As your Maven, I suggest everyone should stop writing the same garbage, and BE straightforward and honest to everyone checking you out. If you are more plump than svelte, then SHOW it! If you went from a silky full head of locks to thinning/receding hair, then TAKE OFF your lid. If you need the Maven to OK your profiles and pics before posting, feel free to send! Sometimes the truth is hard to admit, BUT, we MUST stop lying and trying to be something we’re not, or look like we did back in our college years—you know, being that hot promoter that all the chicks wanted or that sorority biatch who most of the men tried to fuck. In later years, you’ll discover what may have looked stunning years ago, IS NOT appealing to your eye today! It’s time to replace the old college pictures with an updated, current, and truthful description of what you’re like today.

But, is the truth to why we often misrepresent ourselves because we’re insecure and unhappy with how we’ve aged, added an extra roll or two, or maybe lost a few hair follicles? Whatever you’re reasons are for hiding the truth we should try and figure out how to be honest. Still though why don’t most men and women understand that nothing is gained from lying and hiding the truth?

Some People Have Perfect Vision

It’s incomprehensible why many pictures posted by men and women are often so old that they date as far back as sorority or frat days. And, when asked for more pics, most of the time the new one(s) will look NOTHING like what was originally posted. Lies are NOT appreciated! However, it’s obvious that most people don’t get this, since many have told me that this keeps happening. Why are so many men and women dishonest? Don’t we get that once the truth is learned, there usually will be no chance of a date, and often any further dialogue will be discontinued? Men and women must STOP writing all the same bullshit. Seriously, most will say they enjoy the movies one night, a decked-out black tie affair the next, and then a night in at home, snuggling under a down blanket with their sweetie; it’s all so generic. Can’t most single, online, dating men and women smarten up, ditch the trite expressions, and write something truthful and catchy; is it that hard to be honest?