Sunday, March 18, 2007

Dirty Talk

SEX. It’s great, feels good, is pleasurable, exciting, and with some may start out “iffy” but (if done again with the same person) may just keep getting better and better. BUT, what happened to sex being a little mysterious? Has society painted it out just to be “raunchy and dirty?”

We often see couples cheating, screwing in strip clubs, bathrooms, oceans, and getting so drunk that they end up having a one-night-stand. However, do men just think relationships are only about getting laid? What happened to a man displaying the fundamentals of passion and romance by courting a woman, while leaving some mystery before showing their full hand? Having “IM’d” with many online singles without having met face to face, oftentimes the “sex talk” will arise. Why is it that so many men feel the need to have the sex talk, discuss what positions they like, where they’ve “done” it and how they loathe women who are dead fishes, what turns them on and off to, and how many times a day they need it? Well, many women are VERY turned off by the “sex talk” especially if they haven’t even met the guy. Some women are great in the sack and make wonderful lovers, but find the suspense and mystery about someone most enticing. Don’t men understand that talking about sex turns some women off? Does it ever occur to most men that women may get the impression that by talking about SEX, it seems like that’s the only thing you’re interested in or care about, and aren’t really searching for that meaningful romantic relationship?

While instant messaging with Francois, he told me how he was multitasking and having the “sex talk” with some “chick” he just met online. Being in the similar situation and having the conversation brought up by men, several times, I laughed and thought to myself, “Do they think the talk will get them some action?” Is it so they can get all clammy and aroused? Are they trying to substitute IM sex for the actual person? Although from judging what little they’ve learned, are they just assuming the “chick” isn’t for them? Are most men just being the typical, horny dog who lays in their beds iming themselves to hardness? Is it only about jerking off just so they can relieve their sexual frustration from feeling a void of not having a significant other in their life? Or, are some men just really insecure and feel that by talking to a girl about sex she will be more turned on and “into him?”

I’ve heard so many women complain that today’s men just aren’t romantic, and that all they’re looking for and want is a work out for their dicks! Fact: MEN, talking about sex before doing the “deed” to most women is a MAJOR turn off. Do men really understand how to spice things up outside of the bedroom and leave that ever-lasting romantic impression? Do they really think that by sending or bringing flowers home every now and then, or planning a typical evening out at some posh restaurant is being romantic? While some may think it’s thoughtful and nice, and it is, it’s also, SO generic.

Looking back, when I was dating Sampson, I can remember that he was so rough around the edges that he thought that getting tickets to the Producer’s for my birthday was considered romantic. While it was very thoughtful of him, sitting there watching him falling asleep while the drool dripped wasn’t my idea of being “romanced.” Men AND women should always desire and want to do something special and unexpected for one another, rather than just feeling pressured to do so only on “Hallmark” or calendar-marked days. Many don’t understand that being romantic isn’t about only being able to charge a gift; it’s about being creative doing something unique!

Why don’t men know how to make an effort and try to actually put some thought into what being romantic is really all about? Are most men and women today so naïve that they just don’t see the importance of romance in relationships? Planning to do something out of the “norm” for someone you care about and trying to impress them shouldn’t be difficult, yet too many just don’t know how to go that extra step. WHY? Do they really believe that taking someone to a fancy shmacy restaurant like Daniel for an expensive overrated meal that is usually shit out the next morning, their idea of romantic? Yes, it’s a nice thing to do, BUT please! It’s SO cookie cutter and ordinary! To romance someone, you must try going beyond the boring text books that you covered with brown paper bags back in high school, and instead make it more like a fairytale that’s never forgotten. So many relationships today tend to fall apart from men and women forgetting the importance of keeping the honeymoon period alive. How can we keep our relationships fresh so they don’t become stale and boring? Is it when the adventure and spontaneity is lost and forgotten and every night is all just about dinner, staying in and watching some flick, that a pattern is created and couples become bored and start losing interest in each other EXCEPT for when IN each other?

Men, like many women, become conditioned and get comfortable in the relationship. When the relationship starts becoming too easy, and you start acting and feeling like you’re an old married couple before even signing the
pre-nup, is when many couples tend to forget that a relationship is a two way street, and if one is putting more in than you are getting out, problems start to arise. If you are the one doing and making more effort and you’re starting to feel that the relationship is all about convenience rather than pleasure, excitement, and love, you start making up excuses for the other, and think: Will you ever be fully content or truly happy? If you want the relationship to survive, then it must change from being a one way street to having two-way traffic. Fact: IF THERE IS NO EFFORT ON HIS OR HER BEHALF, THERE IS A PROBLEM. THE QUESTION IS, IS IT FIXABLE OR IS THE RELATIONSHIP TOO MUCH OF AN EFFORT AND SHOULD BE FINISHED? ARE YOU BOTH STAYING TOGETHER JUST FOR THE SEX?

How do you keep the fire lit so the relationship that started out so extraordinary doesn’t turn into something common and boring? Are you staying together just for the sex and making excuses for the boredom, lack of romance, and adventure? Do you start trying to convince yourself things will change if you stay together, yet are feeling deprived on all levels outside of the bedroom? Many men and women lose sight that you constantly need to make each other feel special and wanted, and show that you really miss, need, and desire each other. Some guys will always put their friends first, when what they really should be doing is putting the woman and the relationship first. I can remember speaking online with several men, and automatically they start talking about how he’ll take you here or there, how you are going to be great together, how he’s a monster in the bedroom, and how he needs it twice a day if not three times…..NO. TURN IT OFF. STOP trying to create something that hasn’t yet been created. Just like you may think she has great “knockers” in her pic, it’s when her shirt comes off, you find out it was all an illusion from her Victoria Secret Wonderbra. Well, as some things can look appealing on the outside, and your “sex talk” can be so hot and heavy that you are so hard and wet, that when you actually end up meeting, because you’ve set your expectations so high, you quickly become disappointed, completely turned off, and dried up! TRUTH: Often that hot online picture was air brushed. Do you really want to even think about beginning a relationship on a LIE? Women and MEN, you must learn that creating something that isn’t who you are does NOT help you land a partner or get yourself laid. Most singles need to see that what may seem attractive in a profile, IM talk, or in emails and on the phone, doesn’t mean you should set your expectations so high, get all excited and start thinking you’ve met your “match,” and are done! That actual face-to-face meeting may have you slamming on the BREAKS. Remember now: just as quick as you got so pumped up, that’s as fast as you can deflate and delete.

Finding that special one is not an easy task, and just from 2 or 3 dates with someone where most put their pedicured feet or “chest” forward, doesn’t mean after getting to know his/her true colors, flexibility, climax, and positions, your feelings don’t change down the road. From several of my own experiences, my Maven advice is to stop trying to create a relationship without first meeting the person. A good talker isn’t always a good lover, and intense sex will most likely become all too ordinary if that’s the only great part of the relationship that’s keeping it afloat.

4 comments:

BORAT said...

Hi my name a BORAT-
I just find a this blog, and I a think Holy Shit. I always want a woman like a this Maven chick to talk dirty to me. Seriously, why else do men talk to women? SEX, SEX, SEX. Do you have any idea how much effort the average guy puts into getting laid? COME ON what's wrong with a little dirty talk. I'm married, so take it from me. You spend such a small part of your life single, so have sex, talk dirty, beacuse when you say I DO, the next thing, you look at another woman, and your wife threatens to snap your cock off! Ladies, even when we are trying to be romantic, sincere, passionate, and interested... all we are thinking about is SEX! There is no such thing as the perfect man, or the perfect woman, just the perfect Blow Job. So men, just keep searching for it, and women ...keep practicing. I am now going to find a woman to talk to on-line while I make a hand party...My name a Borat, bye for now!

Dating Maven said...

Hi Borat,

I agree there is no such thing as "perfect" but, a "perfect blow job?" what about all those times they weren't so perfect where their teeth got in the way or have you forgotten from your single days now that you're married? Sex talk is great, but it should be brought up and spoken about AFTER you start dating a person not before you meet!

Anonymous said...

I enjoy anonymous sex with dudes I meet in the bathrooms of gas stations and rest stops. I also just installed a glory hole in the wall of my office, so any male reader who would like to stop by are welcome.

Anonymous said...

To be honest, I have spent the last 3 years of my life traveling the work looking for under age boys across the globe to take advantage of and talk dirty to. All I can find in my search is server lonesomeness and these wierd rashes that won't go away.