Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Truth About "Hanky Panky!"

Why are so many men and women single today? Is it like most women think, “a man’s world?” Or, is the underlying problem in the women, and not the men? Most single women claim they are single because it’s the men who don’t pursue anything more than a fling, and show trouble when having to “commit.” Oftentimes men, no matter what age they are, don’t even understand how to ask a girl out in the proper fashion. When speaking with Brady, a male friend of mine, I was telling him how while at my friend’s party, I met a “prospect” who, on the “surface” seemed like a sincere, quality guy, I’d be interested in getting to know. Since we had exchanged contact information and hung, clung, and chatted the night away, I couldn’t understand why a week had gone by and I hadn’t heard from him. Brady said, “SO? Pick up the phone if you want to talk. For heavens sake, it’s the 21st Century; what’s the big deal?” Well, to MOST women, having to initially contact the man is a BIG deal. Why should a woman have to initiate and “pursue” a man? Just because society has allowed many women to hold aspiring careers like men doesn’t mean that when it comes to relationships, a woman shouldn’t have to reach out and make the first move. Even modern women want a little chivalry every now and then.

Recently my friend sent me an article to read which focused on women and relationships. It was saying how women are actually the ones actually playing the game, “kiss and run.” I can remember times when I have met a great guy, such as Harrison, whom at first sight and in every way possible was fully enthralled with and attracted to and found myself fantasizing about dating him, hooking up with him, having fun together, and what life may entail if we were that “hot couple.” Because there are SO many characteristics that attract you to a person, one really must figure out and decide what composes their “perfect 10.” Was I judging Harrison on the “surface” and being superficial? Or, was I looking at his Breitling watch and Gucci flip flops and liking him for his “materialistic goods,” great style? Just because someone has a nice watch or good taste in flops doesn’t necessarily mean that after the layers of Hanky Panky’s and Calvin Klein briefs come off he, or she, will complete your “perfect 10.”

Was Harrison’s brain thinking the same as mine? I didn’t know jack about him to determine what was going through his brain. OR, if he had met my “perfect 10.” Since I had just met him, and most guys can put on a good “poker” face and play a good game, and having “peaked” my curiosity with his “hot bod” and fabulous style, I decided to play my cards and see what lies ahead since all I had was questions racing through my mind. Since he was overly “flirtatious” with me, I wondered if he was relationship material, or if he was just your typical, Playa? Hopefully we have all hit that point and realize that just because some hot guy with shining blue eyes gazing at you and a rock-hard waxed body (that any girl would fantasize jumping), doesn’t mean he’s flawless. Even having come to the understanding that it goes WAY beyond what’s on the surface, I still wondered in my “dirty brain,” since everything on the outside SEEMED so, “WELL ENDOWED,” was his inside that way, too? Fact: Some women’s minds can be just as raunchy and dirty as your men’s!
My first impression of Harrison was that he seemed like “my type” of guy. My “take” was that he was classy, well manicured and groomed (with no hairs left out of place or finger nails overgrown), a chic dresser--not the “Dockers” type—who also appeared to have excellent taste. (Now, just to CLARIFY, excellent taste does not necessarily mean one “flaunts” their dough or buys the most expensive or name brand items.) Harrison’s charismatic charm along with his exquisite manners and direct eye contact showed me his street smart and sexy sides. Needless to say, he had caught my “full attention.” But because my brain was fogged while trying to decide right there and then if he was my “perfect 10” (and, we all should know that one night isn’t enough time to figure that out, but one can wish), and my “hormones” got the best of me and were clouding my vision that, before I could even blink, or think Harrison may be spoken for, all those visions quickly became illusions when his girlfriend of 6 months barged through the door. Just because you find someone sexually appealing, you tend to find yourself “sucking” them in and whisking them out of your life quicker than your cleaning lady can strip your smelly, cumed-on sheets off.

FACT: Both men and women don’t take a time-out to analyze. They are too quick trying to convince themselves that just because you had “chemistry” with the opposite sex and envisioned them naked they will turn and be your “perfect 10,” or what you want as your life-long sex partner.

However, what makes up your “Perfect 10?” Will every single you meet be able to fulfill your dreams? For some, the “perfect 10” is composed of several attributes: looks or personality, motivation and drive, or the passion in a person. For others it could be where they pick, (or how they pay for), your first date—platinum or cash. (If they pay with cash, does that mean they have bad credit and can’t have a credit card?) Or, it could be where they went to college, IVY or STATE, or how and where they were raised. Maybe your “perfect 10” depends on what type of car they drive, or their career and goals--are they making “six figs” or more, one may think? OR, it may depend if they come with a small
Herve Chapelier carry-on, or a trunk full of baggage. For some people, the “surfer-dude” is the biggest turn-on, reminding them of their Malibu Beach Ken and Barbie dolls. And for others, it may be the “Harvard intellectual,” who is never seen at Starbucks without a copy of The Economist.

Because there are so many single men and women in society, people often misjudge, misinterpret, and find themselves questioning why, after what had seemed to have been a “good” date, and while securing you into a taxi, he manages to “slip in” along with a “peck” that he’d call you this week for plans. Then, WHY does a man “give up,” delete the number or store for “safe keeping,” yet says and acts like he wanted to go out again…why don’t they just DO what they say?

In the article from my friend, it spoke about Fear to “Commit,” and contained a little “Commitment Phobic” quiz. Is the answer that he is “hiding” by not calling and not reaching out due to the fear to commit? Or are we using the fear of commitment as a “crutch” to STAY single? When do you finally see that just because there are many singles out there, will you ever WAKE up and realize there aren’t many that fit in your “nook.” What is it about that person that gave you that “connection?” In the first few moments you find yourself fantasizing what it would be like if you had unbelievable passionate, hot and wild sex together? Could this person be your “prince” AND meet your “perfect 10?” Yet, somehow you just aren’t seeing it growing right in front of you, and let your fear stand in your way? How do you figure out what your “perfect ten” is, and open up, and face your fear? You may be giving up before you even allow yourself to really decipher if you passed up a great lady or gent because you were too immature to face the real problem, and still too much of a Playa to see that playing gets old faster than you? What if you met a GREAT person that you REALLY liked (or even better--they are your “safety friend” that everyone keeps saying to you, is PERFECT for you) BUT, for whatever “buried” reasons and excuses you can make, you don’t chase her other then to grab a happy hour drink, or for a late night “Booty” call? If these actions implying that you’re trying to “figure things out,” when does that time finally come? Or, are you just looking for a temporary “piece?” When you do take the time to stop and see that deep down the answer, you just want to scream, YES, you are SCARED to commit! Well, grow up, and stop playing the “field;” you’re not getting any younger and wouldn’t it be nice to always have a “play mate?”

Fact: It’s normal to be “scared;” HOWEVER, that shouldn’t be enough for you to hide and not take that leap. You won’t know unless you try!

Why not try opening the door, and taking the time to get to know someone (that maybe just more than a one night fling) whom you apparently enjoyed taking out, BEFORE passing up on someone who may have been your “perfect 10?” Is it because you’re allowing your dick to act as your brain? Dreaming and fantasizing is SO easy to do, as seen in my infatuation of Harrison. Just because there are SO many dicks and pusses out there, doesn’t mean every one is a “perfect 10.” Hasn’t the moment in time arrived where your dick is getting sick of all the different licks, and would like to know it’s finally taken so many trips that now it’s landed the best one? Time has come to now open your eyes and begin to “clearly” see that just because you have tried SO many different flavors, you may actually be overlooking a classic favorite. By tasting that new flavor that just maybe the opening you needed. And, if liked then, why not dive in and try it again, with the possibility of getting “lucky” that it will only taste even better time and again! BUT, by letting your “fear” stand in your way, you may sadly one day end up with regrets until that cold ice bucket of water gets dumped on you that makes you realize that “perfect 10” you once tried, and liked, is gone. What most people don’t understand and VERY seldom see, is that just because so many singles exist, this doesn’t mean every one you meet is the right for you or, your “perfect 10.”

NOW, WATCH OUT. If you meet someone who doesn’t fulfill your sexual lust and desire, and the attraction isn’t initially there, but there are things about the person that you like, maybe then you should try giving the person a “shot”…..However, as a Maven, who has once or twice tried to “force” that “chemistry and “attraction” which never grew then, I firmly believe if only ½ of the “perfect 10” is there, and you are trying to force what’s missing, then you will never be fully satisfied, and your eyes will always wander. Now, if you take a look back, how many of you out there realize you may have given up or overlooked what may have been your, “perfect 10?”

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