Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Mr. Right OR, Mr. Right Now

How do you actually know you’re ready for a relationship or… marriage? Oftentimes women, when meeting a man, automatically assume he’s “the one.” What makes a woman assume this? Is it the vibe the man gives off? Is it the attraction/chemistry they both have for each other? Well, let’s just say that it’s not as presumptuous as one may think. While chatting with Elena, my married girlfriend, she tells me that she just finished speaking with her sister who has been dating this guy for almost a year. She’s been contemplating their next move, the ring before the key, or the key to the apartment with no ring.

Prior to being married, many couples decide to move in together, whether or not they’re engaged. It’s been shown that living with a significant other with or without that one, two, or three or more (if you’re lucky) carat flawless stone with rocks on the side is, a “make or break.” Does this mean that once you get the “bling” and after saying “yes,” and walking down the aisle in your long white Vera Wang gown and Manolo satin shoes, and move in together everything will still be magical? Will having a piece of paper witnessed on your wedding day by your best man and maid of honor bring you good luck like the glass broken in a “Jewish” wedding? Or, will that guest that you’ve always had that “connection” with but who wouldn’t “commit” interrupt your vows and to oppose your marriage, fully knowing that deep down you’re marrying the wrong man and you should be with him?

Well, before the ring and marriage even take place, the sister ends up moving in without the “bling.” Ten days goes by, and on a gorgeous sunny Sunday when they should be going to “Tiffany’s,” the boyfriend in the driver’s seat jerks the wheel hard right, hits a detour, and ends up not getting a little blue box with a white ribbon…BUT, instead meanders down to the dog pound picking up a 4 week old yellow lab, their “baby.” Why now do some couples, when first moving in together, feel the need to take the detour and get a pup? Is it a replacement for prolonging the engagement or children? Maybe it is, and maybe the pup is their distraction so they don’t have to acknowledge taking that next step and getting engaged. Well, her sister is very happy and excited to show off the pooch--BUT, is she just really trying to forget that what she really wanted to be showing off was the “rock” she didn’t get? Sometimes people make alterations in their lives to better or worsen them or, to justify what they really want; and, in this case she was substituting the dog for the ring.

In the last ten days, and after all of their new “changes” and reality started settling in, they wonder: Will the excitement and their love for each other still be there? She is so certain that he is “the one,” but will this all change once they are under one roof and they REALLY get to live day to day with each other? Will it become so convenient that they don’t see the WHOLE picture or how their dependence is unhealthy? Well, it’s very easy to become blind-sighted when living under one roof and spending so much time together, that the things you once appreciated start to annoy and frustrate you. It becomes like a Monet for both, where the man sometimes prolongs the engagement and worse, marriage, leaving the woman to start picking fights. Once a woman begins to get “anxious” and her “time line” that she forgot about has resurfaced, the gestures she throws out trying to subtlety give him that push or hint towards their “next step” to that blue box with the white ribbon may or may not always work towards her favor. Then, why after moving in together does it take some men so long to formally commit and make that next step? Are men just buying time until they’re pushed so far that ultimatums start being given? Most of us know that men, and most women, don’t like being “pushed,” and furthermore, NOBODY likes ultimatums. Why is it that certain men take SO long to initially ask out a girl, and even worse, after you’ve dated for a significant period, doesn’t “pop” the question? But, truth be told, when the boat starts getting too rocky will he, or she, stay ashore or sink?

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