Change....Are You In or Are You Out?

When do you grow up, see that your tastes in men or women have changed, and realize that those qualities you used like and be attracted to have changed? What made them change? Did you change? Did your habits, outlook on yourself and your life all change? Well, looking back to high school, then college, and now into my adulthood years, I start to see that not only are the things that I’m looking for in a mate different form what they once were, but it seems as if many other people’s tastes in men and women have also changed. Thinking back to your college days, remembering the hot Mr. GQ frat boy who ran the door at one of the hottest spots, and was also was someone who you once dreamt about naked, if met today, wouldn’t be someone you’d even consider dating, and the only thing you’d make sure of would be politely introducing yourself (and bat your eyelashes) so you’ll never have to wait in any peasant lines again, but instead be privileged enough to slip past that annoying velvet, red rope!

However, if met later in life--if you weren’t of similar backgrounds—even though he may have been hot with a decent job, this wouldn’t ever be someone you’d even give a second thought to about wanting to date. But why is this? Is it because as we grow up and we view people differently, depending on theirs and our various circumstances? Is that club guy with the hot bod and looks who’s only making $20 an hour plus the cash earned from being “duked” on a good Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night going to be able to pay for your child’s private school tuition to Philips Exeter? Seeing the whole picture of someone and separating and seeing what long term issues could arise, isn’t always easy to do. But as your tastes change, you start to realize that the characteristics which used to be an automatic turn on have now quickly switched to dim or just turned off. What you thought you had liked and found so attractive in your earlier years becomes less and less appealing as you’ve gotten older and interacted with many types of people and different personalities. When reality hits, and starts kicking and biting at you along with that little voice inside that doesn’t stop reminding you that even though he may have seemed sexy back in the day, today your perspective has changed, and you clearly see and know that he’s actually not right for you. Thinking long term, you ask yourself: “Do you really want your spouse or significant other to be “checking ID’s” and working a door?” As you move into your mid 20’s and 30’s, and think back upon all the men or women who have walked into and out of your life, all with various backgrounds and qualities, you think if only you could take something that you liked from each person you dated or met, and piece each ingredient into a full recipe, you would have the perfect man. Unfortunately though, this is MUCH easier thought and said than done!

Being out a few weeks ago with some of my single girl and guy friends, where the only thing they all had in common was me, it was very entertaining watching them interact with each other. Of course though, before they had all met, each friend constantly kept asking, are your friends “hot,” good bods…any blonde? And I must admit, it wasn’t so much the girls questioning or asking about looks as it was the guys…..WHY? Why were my “boys” so worried about my “girls” looks when, for once, I wasn’t even trying to play “matchmaker?” The night was just supposed to be a fun meet-up for drinks, possibly ending up with some newly-formed friendships, and maybe even a date for the lucky ones. I thought to myself, “Can’t my guys just go out with little or no expectations, and maybe an unexpected surprise will occur and they’ll be attracted to some chick with a brain, or other positive attribute, even if she’s not their normal type, a typical, dumb “blonde”? Why can’t they just go out, not ask so many questions, and look forward to a chill, fun night with no planned or intended marriages to take place? Well, easier thought than DONE!

Several drinks later when the alcohol was quickly entering the horny blood streams of my friends, no more questions were being asked, such as if one was carrying an extra few pounds, had thinning hair, was tall or short, or brunette or blonde. Instead, it was obvious moves were being made and several friends were being hit on. Quite amusing it was and also very mind boggling to see how after a few pops and being surrounded by too much testosterone and estrogen, minds let loose, vision became blurred, and cheeks started to blush! Being friends with them all and knowing how sexually frustrated most of my boys were, what wasn’t supposed to be an evening of matchmaking was slowly starting to turn, and the boys were putting on their moves! But, what most girls are able to figure out and see real quick is, if some guy that she is “in to,” takes her bait, and is actually into her. BUT, why is it that some men, after persistently trying to rub their hard dicks up against a girl on the dance floor and shove some tongue down her throat, just don’t realize and “get” when a woman is, or is not, sexually “in to you?” Just because a guy may get so turned on and hard from all the innocent dancing doesn’t in any way mean her feelings are the same or she is as turned on and wet for you. Why don’t some men understand or get this, when it all seems quite obvious? Are they just too drunk, stupid, and horny to see that a woman may just be using them for their slick dance moves and their paid-for table and bottles?

That night it was quite clear to me, even after drinking, that a couple of my girls were NOT into my boys and they made this VERY clear. Though, as clear as it was to ME and some others watching, WHY didn’t the guy stop pushing himself on the girl, lighten up, have fun, and get the vibe that she’s just not “into you” like that? Why though, even when the woman makes it perfectly clear that she’s just hanging out and having fun, certain men just don’t “get it?” And, why do most women seem to “get it” while most men, don’t, or so it appeared that night!