Jealousy.....OR Insecurity?

It’s quite amusing and disturbing to watch people change, and observing how different they start acting when a new “prospect” enters their life. Just because someone starts to date, move in, or marry, does NOT mean that they should stop having lives of their own or abandon their friends. Why, though, can’t we have both…..A life with a lover and our lives with our friends?

It’s hard to understand why certain people conform to others, and often vanish from our lives. An old friend of mine, Ashley, acted this way. We were friends through thick and thin and never betrayed each other. After both of our relationships ended and we were single, her singleness didn’t last for long. Within months she found a new man, and I was pretty confident he was here to stay.

Within the first year of their dating, I moved to NYC, but we still remained close. When I came home I’d usually make the effort to try and get together. FACT: Like relationships, friendships are also two way streets. Shockingly though, one Saturday when strutting Pasha, who did I bump SMACK into? Ashley and Ross, my “so called” close friends, who came into the city and made no effort to see me. After all, it doesn’t take that long to grab a quick cup of coffee. Is Bergdorf’s SO important that seeing your friend, even for a moment, can’t be squeezed in?

Of course it bothered me that she didn’t make any effort to get together. Since I never had ANY issues with Ross, and didn’t think he had any with me I couldn’t understand why we weren’t getting together. However, in due time it became apparent that he was trying to monopolize my friend. I wondered if maybe he was just insecure of their relationship, or if he was just a dominating and a controlling type, or was it just that he didn’t want her having any friends other then HIM. Or, did he feel just feel threatened that her friends may take her away from him? It was so unclear…but then again, to an “outsider” observing the relationship, OH SO CLEAR. Why often, when in relationships, does may one neglect to see how the other is trying to manipulate and control the other, and the relationship, when it’s so obvious to everyone else what’s really happening?